He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
