wakey wakey hands off snakey
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
