Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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