you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
