He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
it's great music for shaving your balls
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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