In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Randomize
