dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
