I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
My bed smells like the plague
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