We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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