I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
