worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
