do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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