T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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