look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Someone signed my nipple.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
