I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Are my feet made of real feet?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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