do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
