yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
