I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
