The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
