Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
