Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
