Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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