she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
