now i know why i became what i already was.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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