on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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