My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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