uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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