Your tits are I can't wait for
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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