Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
