got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
