they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
