he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
