Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
