okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
