you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
