i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I cockslap morals
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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