i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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