I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Randomize
