thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
