I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
