Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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