Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
