just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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