on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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