It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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