actually, I'm a sock model
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
