just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
