Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
