I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Someone shit on the floor
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
