I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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