woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
