Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
