How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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