On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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