I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
