tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
