Just fell off a train. Bad.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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